Sunday, October 19, 2014

Hollow(een)

"Act scared," they said. "It'll look cute," they said...
Halloween has quickly turned into a favorite time for me during the past few years. It signals the beginning of the wonderful holiday season, cooler weather and it's just incredibly fun! The one good thing my horrible ex left me with is this extreme love for Halloween and dressing up. This year, however, it's been hard for me to get in the mood. I'm still excited to dress up, but to where? No idea (#sad). Am I going to dress up? Probably not because I have nowhere to go (#moresad). But besides that, how do I feel? Well, I've been feeling more hollow than full of my usual excitement, love and happiness during this time of year.

1) Transfer apps are coming up, which means an atmosphere of stressing out and frantic essay writing and editing.
2) Transfer apps = Decisions. No more ignorantly believing I will be with my friends and boyfriend forever. It's time to think about me and what I want and need.
3) The future. The future. The future...
4) All of my classes have essays, tests, etc due right before or right on Halloween day, which means extra stress. I should be studying now, but I'm blogging instead because it's therapeutic to me.
5) I don't feel like people are treating me the same as I treat them and it's disappointing. I've always been a little bitter about people, but I'm becoming more.
6 ) In a holiday season all about being together with friends and family, I feel more isolated than ever. I feel like I'm disappointing some, some are ignoring me, some annoying me, some mistreating me and others just change. You can be at the happiest place on Earth, but still feel completely alone.

Although I've been feeling bad lately, I know that this is all just transitory and that all things get better with time. The first of November will be my academic savior because everything will be turned in (for then) at the time, but as for my emotional savior? It'll be myself at an undisclosed time, unfortunately. 



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